Massage for grief – finding comfort in difficult times

If you’ve ever experienced grief, you know it’s not just an emotional struggle. It can feel like a heavy weight on your chest, a persistent ache in your muscles and an overall sense of disconnection from your body. 

While it’s important to speak to a healthcare professional about persistent feelings of grief, many people find solace in complementary therapy. One of the most nurturing is massage therapy. Here’s how massage can provide a pathway to healing.

The science behind grief and physical pain

Grief doesn't just affect us emotionally; it can also manifest physically in profound ways. This is due to the body's response to loss, which often includes increased levels of inflammation. When we experience grief, the body can go into a heightened state of alert, activating the immune system. While this response aims to protect us, it can lead to symptoms such as fatigue, pain, and even digestive issues as the body struggles to cope with the emotional turmoil​.

The connection between emotional pain and physical health is well documented, with new research exploring whether physical pain relievers might also help with emotional pain (interestingly, one study concluded it might, but only in women). Grief can disrupt normal bodily functions, leading to various ailments from headaches to chest tightness and muscle tension​. These responses are not merely psychological; they are rooted in our biological makeup, underscoring how intertwined our physical and emotional health truly is.

How massage therapy can help

Research shows that human touch can counteract this stress response. In fact, studies have suggested that comforting touch – like that from a massage –can lower cortisol levels and activate the vagus nerve, which plays a crucial role in regulating stress.

This study looked at the benefits of massage for grief in particular, finding that weekly hand or foot massages provided consolation. Lead author Dr Berit S Cronfalk concluded that massages "provide physical touch and closeness and helped diminish the feelings of empty space and loneliness that people felt."

1. Promotes relaxation

Grief can manifest physically as tension, making it hard to find comfort. Regular massage therapy helps reduce cortisol levels while boosting serotonin and dopamine, creating a sense of calm. Picture yourself sinking into a soft surface as your muscles unwind – this relaxation is vital when everything else feels heavy.

2. Eases physical symptoms

If you’re dealing with headaches, back pain or tightness as you move through grief, massage therapy can bring your body back into balance. The increased circulation and muscle relaxation help alleviate these physical symptoms, allowing you to feel lighter and more at ease.

3. Encourages emotional release

Massage creates a safe space for emotional expression. As your therapist works out knots in your muscles, you might find yourself working through emotions as they come up too. It can be a cathartic experience, helping you to release long-held emotions and feel a sense of relief.

As one participant in Dr Cronfalk's study on the benefits of massage for grief said: "I could focus on my grief during the massage and that helped me handle the rest of the week."

"I could focus on my grief during the massage and that helped me handle the rest of the week."

4. Helps you feel less alone

In times of grief, many people feel isolated. A massage can foster a sense of connection and support, combating loneliness. This therapeutic relationship – especially in the context of mobile massage – can be helpful when you don’t feel ready to fully ‘face the world’ just yet but want to take a small step towards it.

5. Grounds you in the here and now

Massage encourages you to stay present in the moment. By focusing on the sensations of touch and breath, you can cultivate awareness of your body and emotions. The practice of mindfulness allows you to embrace your grief rather than run from it, paving the way for healing.

Choosing the right massage for grief

There’s no one-size-fits-all when it comes to the best massage for grief. It really depends on what your mind and body needs. Consider some of these popular options to help you decide:

Classic styles:

• Swedish massage: This gentle massage uses long, gliding strokes to promote relaxation and overall well-being. It’s a nurturing, comforting option offering a great introduction to massage.
  
  

• Reflexology: This specialised technique focuses on applying pressure to specific points on the feet and hands that correspond to different organs and systems in the body. Our at-home reflexology treatment just focuses on the feet, which can be preferable to a full-body massage when you feel tender with grief.
  
  

• Deep tissue massage: If your grief has manifested as tight, achy muscles, deep tissue massage can help. This technique targets deeper muscle layers to release tension and improve circulation. It's worth noting that deep tissue massage is quite vigorous – the intensity might feel overwhelming when you're emotionally vulnerable.

Look for massages featuring:

• Aromatherapy: Engaging the senses can really help with grounding us in the present. Massages that use calming essential oils like lavender and chamomile can feel especially nurturing.

• Head massage: A head massage gently focuses on the scalp, neck, and shoulders, helping to release tension and promote relaxation. The calming effects can also enhance mental clarity, providing a moment of peace during difficult times.

• A heated blanket: The warmth of a heated blanket on the massage table can provide extra comfort making it easier to relax.

• Hot stones: Like a heated blanket, the weight and warmth of hot stones tell your mind and body that it's safe to relax.

You're not alone

Grief is a deeply personal journey, and finding healthy ways to cope is essential. While massage can be a helpful part of a holistic approach to dealing with grief, it should never replace professional mental health support when needed. For more information on finding support, take a look at this NHS guide. Mental health charities such as Mind and The New Normal also offer free resources and peer-to-peer support.